Smile

Eyes that burn with anger and deep hurt;

Hands that clench as tears roll down my cheeks;

A smile that lights the room and my own heart.

These are typical things for me;

I am able to show compassion and care for people

And look at the world around me with a brilliant smile.

I am able to have hope.

However, I also feel incredible anger and hatred for others.

I hate people who walk all over others; including myself.

I despise when others assume my gentle nature

Is an excuse to comment on my life; like how I have few friends,

Or how all of my girlfriends have lived so far from me...

I hate the fact that it hurts me so deeply

That my only option is to just smile and try to look for happiness.

I also feel incredible amounts of heart ache and misery;

When people express their sadness that I feel responsible for.

When those closest to me go away for a long time.

When I can't do anything but sit there and watch...

I cannot break from this pain and it kills me.

So instead of letting it totally consume me, I smile once again

And try so hard to find a light in my inner darkness.

I really do try not to be so negative about my life.

But when all I can do sometimes is shove down

The anger

And the heart break,

And smile, I find myself retreating more into my inner self.

Hiding behind the smile I always put on.