Tokyogirl122

Aspiring Writer

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Truly Alone by Tokyogirl122, literature

Literature

Truly Alone

Everyone leaves. Some leave because they drift apart from me. Others because we have a falling out. Some don't leave on purpose. They just die. But the loss is still an abandonment, Or at least that's what my brain translates it out to. I am so angry literally all the time. I look at my loved ones with hate and resentment, And to be honest I don't feel bad for doing it. I know I should and I do love them with all my heart. But I just can't bring myself to trust anyone completely. Everyone who says they will stay is a liar. They say "I don't know what I'd do without you." Easy. They move on. Or in the case that they die, You m

Fear for the Future by Tokyogirl122, literature

Literature

Fear for the Future

I don't sleep much anymore. Because when I close my eyes, I see my worst nightmares come to life. The economy will get worse, And people will slip back into poverty. Our world is burning from our own hubris. And the worst of it? Fascism is rising again. The thing my grandmother and my father would talk about sullenly, Has raised it's ugly, terrible head. I see my loved ones die or get hurt, When I close my eyes. I hear the screaming. I see a future that I and the ones I love are no longer welcome in. I fear for what's ahead. And I know younger people, like me and those who are younger, Are not willing to sit around and do noth

Struck Down By Grief by Tokyogirl122, literature

Literature

Struck Down By Grief

There is no structure to this. No design, no specific intention. Just a moment of consciousness. I am terrified; of the future, of other people, of feeling anything, and especially of myself. I close off every part of my mind I don't like. I am constantly in a state of either numb calmness or extreme fear. For six years, I have become consumed with grief. I have my degree, but haven't gotten a job in years. Truth be told... I am scared. I mess up everything else. I can't relate to other people normally either. I never understand normal social interactions. My dreams died long ago. And now, at 24, I am stuck. And I am terrified that all that l

From: An American Living My Own Personal Hell by Tokyogirl122, literature

A Shell by Tokyogirl122, literature

Literature

A Shell

I used to be different. I was kind. I was hopeful. My outlook on life was bright. I had, as my dad said, a light in me that was just waiting to shine through. Since he told me that, he died. And I have lost seven others since his death. And I have lost friends, though not to death's cold embrace. I have seen the depths of human depravity in the world around me. I have seen increasing greed, anger, and cruelty. My rose colored view of the world has shattered. I rarely smile anymore. I feel hollow. I want to feel less cold than I do now. But I don't. And I'm not sure if I ever will again. I was a brighter, happier person before.

Loss Is No Stranger to Me by Tokyogirl122, literature

Literature

Loss Is No Stranger to Me

I am so tired. I have lost my dad. My grandma. My uncle. My cat. My sister's cat. My aunt. My nana. All of this in under five years. That's not even counting those I've lost not to death, But to time. I've lost so many people in under a decade. I am so tired and jaded now. I expect loss. I expect those I love to leave me. Whether it is just time eroding friendships, Or the cold cruelty of Death's embrace. It makes no difference to me. I am no stranger to loss. I am no stranger to Death. I am used to it and usually I watch it with indifference. But the pain is building back up. I can feel the seams of my torn soul tearing

Trapped In A Cellophane Prison by Tokyogirl122, literature

Literature

Trapped In A Cellophane Prison

Imagine being surrounded by your loved ones. For me, that's my wife. My mother and sister. My closest friends. But there's always an invisible barrier between you and them. It's thin enough where you can feel them. But you never really touch them. Now imagine that with emotions. You know how to feel. You can feel, for the most part. But feeling regularly completely eludes you. You don't feel angry when you should, or you feel angry too much. You don't completely get sympathy but you mostly do. You see someone you love in utter misery and want to help. But you do not know how and to make it worse, you just feel extreme discomfort

Memory Loss by Tokyogirl122, literature

Literature

Memory Loss

I can't remember his face. I can't remember his voice. I can only remember things about him in pieces. And even those are fuzzy. He was my dad. He was my best friend. I loved him. And five years later my memories are fading. My sister is the same. We lost him at fifteen for her and nineteen for me. He was our world. Our safety. And now we are forgetting him. And yet my pain is buried so deep I can't truly feel it. Just in quiet moments. So I put my pain into free verses for bad poems. Meanwhile, my sister's mind and heart decay from unfathomable loss. And yet even with that, aside from her being a danger to herself, I feel ve

Why Am I Like This? by Tokyogirl122, literature

Literature

Why Am I Like This?

I can't go outside without having a breakdown. I can't look people in the eyes. I am terrible with social skills. My body and mind don't work well. Part of that is my fault. I don't take care of myself. But my mind is something I cannot really control. I don't feel like I am completely connected with people. It's like a static wall is between me and others. I am not sure why I am like this. I feel so alone. I feel so damn angry. But I cannot express it outside of outbursts or repressing it. I want to know why I cannot be "normal." I wish someone could give me an easy answer. Something I can work on. Something I can explain. B

I Am Not Completely There by Tokyogirl122, literature

Literature

I Am Not Completely There

What is it like to feel? To feel everything, Totally and fully. I don't know how that is. I can experience emotion. I can sympathize. I can empathize. But it is never all the way. It's like there is a barrier between me and the ones I love. I can feel their presence and their warmth, But I am not quite there. It's like being 75% in any place. I am mostly here in the moment but at any given time A part of me isn't. I can't completely understand other people's emotions. I can't really understand my own emotions. When someone I love is crying, I feel bad for them. But mostly? I feel uncomfortable. Like there is something they k

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Truly Alone by Tokyogirl122, literature

Literature

Truly Alone

Fear for the Future by Tokyogirl122, literature

Literature

Fear for the Future

Struck Down By Grief by Tokyogirl122, literature

Literature

Struck Down By Grief

From: An American Living My Own Personal Hell by Tokyogirl122, literature

A Shell by Tokyogirl122, literature

Literature

A Shell

Loss Is No Stranger to Me by Tokyogirl122, literature

Literature

Loss Is No Stranger to Me

Trapped In A Cellophane Prison by Tokyogirl122, literature

Literature

Trapped In A Cellophane Prison

Memory Loss by Tokyogirl122, literature

Literature

Memory Loss

Why Am I Like This? by Tokyogirl122, literature

Literature

Why Am I Like This?

I Am Not Completely There by Tokyogirl122, literature

Literature

I Am Not Completely There

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About Tokyogirl122

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Artist

June 10
United States
Deviant for 13 years
She / Her

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My Bio

Soooo... Hi everyone! I'm just gonna keep it real simple.
My Name: Kerry
My age: 19

I love to write and read. They're the two thing i really do love to do. I dream about travelling the world and becoming a famous author one day. I'm genderqueer, but if you want to label me according to my biological parts, I am a woman and a lesbian.

I love photography, film and music too. but i'm not good at any of it. All i can do, and do it well, is write. I'm a sweet person once you get to know me, but i'm admitedly a little cold at times. I really do care about people and try to be peaceful. Anyway, i hope you enjoy my writing and hope that i can support you guy's work anyway i can. Arrivederci!

Favourite genre of music: Rock, Alternative
Favourite photographer: Ansel Adams
MP3 player of choice: iPod
Favourite cartoon character: Shion, Shego, Integra, Seras
Personal Quote: Trust me: Love is hard. Anyway you look at it.

Favourite Visual Artist

darknesswolf122

Favourite Movies

The Runaways, Trick r' Treat, Halloween, Elvira, Scream, Paprika

Favourite Bands / Musical Artists

Joan Jett, Greenday, Nirvana, The Runaways, Weezer, Katy Perry, Lady Gaga

Favourite Books

Zombies vs. Unicorns, Steampunk!, The Realm of Possibility, The Hunger Games, Carmilla

Favourite Writers

Thomas Randall, Maryrose Wood, Malinda Lo, Emily Dickinson, Marlene Perez

Favourite Games

Okami, Lux Pain, Persona 3, Pokemon

Favourite Gaming Platform

PS2

Other Interests

Writing, reading, manga, travelling, yuri, photography

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Tokyogirl122

Nov 6, 2018

US follows: GET OUT AND VOTE! Vote.org Thank you.

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Tokyogirl122

May 25, 2018

Does anyone actually read my stuff? Is it any good? I don't really think it is...

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Tokyogirl122

Jan 18, 2018

Hello

0 min read

Hi to no one in particular. So I've been on here for a while, in good times and bad. Well now is a bad time. And since tumblr is a garbage heap of toxic people, I figured I'd vent on here from time to time. Thanks to who still follow me. Or not. At this point this is just a nice place to express some pain. Thanks again and I hope you, whoever you are, are happy and having a good day .